how to say no

如何在不失去冷静的情况下说不

它就像那样发生。在某一时刻,您的日历是免费的,下次您看时,每周都会有一个承诺。It starts with good intentions. The last fundraiser for the year is coming up at your child’s school and you tell yourself that you “should” really help out. Or there is a new committee at work and you think to yourself “I like being a team player, I’m in.” 

并且那里您有它。Pretty soon you are feeling over-extended and exhausted. Losing your cool is right around the corner. That goal of yours to add in more self care time and lower your stress level is now on the back burner.

Saying no can be hard. It can feel like you are letting others down when in reality they may not be thinking that at all. Maybe what they heard was “no,” nothing more, and they moved on to ask the next person to help.  Saying no is at the core of practicing self care. Learning to say no to commitments means saying YES to you. It allows for the time and space to take care of yourself first before committing to help someone else.

Four Tips for Saying No

Fewer Commitments = More Enjoyment

We can’t do it all and be in all places. The fear of missing out is real but imagine showing up to fewer engagements and feeling less frazzled. Now picture yourself more present in the moment and not concerned about where you need to go next.

Simply No

We often think we have to explain ourselves when we say no to someone. No doesn’t require an explanation. Keep in mind that you are not saying no to the person, just the request.

You Are Your Most Important Appointment of Your Day

Pull up that calendar and put your name in there first before you schedule anything else. It is key to intentionally protect that time, allowing only emergencies to interrupt it. Over time, this will become a daily habit and creating time for you each day will become a regular practice.

Progress Over Perfection

Start small and work your way up to bigger chunks of YOU time. Over time, you will feel more comfortable saying no, protecting self care time, and pausing before committing to something else.

Give yourself some time. Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Learning to say no can be challenging in a world that is go, go, go. If you find yourself slipping into old people-pleasing habits, don’t feel bad about it, just keep going.  

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